Compassionate Presence

AUGUST 15, 2023 | April Noska, Client Support Team Member

Empathy allows us to have a deep understanding of another’s experiences. Empathy is a precursor to compassion. Compassion motivates us to action and to strive to relieve the suffering of others. This is a biblical concept. Scripture speaks of God being moved with compassion towards his people. As an example, as Jesus sees the weary crowds following him, he has compassion on them and feeds them, meeting their physical needs (see Matthew 14 and 15). Christians are called to rejoice with the rejoicing, weep with the weeping (Rom. 12:15), and “bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). 

Trauma expert Gabor Mate says that trauma happens when there is no empathetic witness. In other words, if we are harmed, but have no one to weep with us and help us name our harm, it is likely that we will experience trauma symptoms that disrupt our life. A lack of an empathetic witness and compassionate presence is common in abusive relationships. Abuse by its nature is isolating. The abuser often uses isolation as a tactic, and the victim often isolates herself due the trauma and lack of stability. Jesus told us that the enemy seeks to kills, steal, and destroy. That’s what abuse does, doesn’t it? It destroys its victims leaving them as ghosts.

Because so much harm comes from a lack of compassionate relationship, healthy relationships and connection are crucial to healing and recovery. One of the things we do here at Give Her Wings is offer community support to the mamas we take on. Not only have they experienced isolation over the course of their relationships, but many of them were also further ostracized by family and church communities when they were able to leave. Our desire is that our mamas can have a taste of the compassionate presence that they have been deprived of. Relationship and connection are crucial for healing and recovery. What abuse steals, healthy connection can help to recover. 

Just as healing cannot happen in isolation, a flourishing and thriving life cannot happen divorced from community. Although the enemy steals, Jesus also promises us life. As followers of Christ, we are called to be part of the compassionate presence that helps to bind up the wounds of others. This is a rebellion against the schemes of the evil one and is part of bringing God’s will “on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt. 6:10). In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis writes, “I may repeat, ‘Do as you would be done’ till I am black in the face, but cannot really carry it out till I love my neighbor as myself: and I cannot learn to love my neighbor as myself till I learn to love God: and I cannot learn to love God except by learning to obey Him” (p. 87). 

Showing compassion to others is not always easy. We can be prone to judge or fix. Often we just need people to be with us —to see us, to hear us. Practically, what does it look like to be a compassionate presence or empathetic witness? When we know someone who is suffering, we do not need to offer solutions or tell them what we think they should do. We can listen to their story. We can send a text to let them know we are thinking about them. We can meet practical needs. That could be a meal or a cup of coffee. That could be a ride to an appointment or watching their kids for an evening. Maybe you can buy a week’s worth of groceries or school supplies for their child. Please don’t underestimate what these simple actions can mean. They can be living water to a parched soul. May we be a safe presence for others, as the Lord is a refuge and safe place for us. 

“Under his wings you may take refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and a wall” (Psalm 91:4).